My dad is in a lot of pain still, he is frustrated and totally bored and un-stimulated. The man in the ward with him has been on dialysis for a very long time and his bones have worn away and he can’t walk, he is also blind and his mind is not with him any longer… so my dad has no conversation… and he sees this guy and gets totally freaked out. My mom is going to try and get him moved.
The hospital freaks me out, because the room my dad is in may not have aircon because of the infection risk, windows must stay closed, door must stay closed, we have to disinfect and spray when we are there, and yet, they leave the guy in my dad’s room who has messed himself lying there in his own business… can you imagine the bacteria???
Anyway, if I start now, I’ll write you an essay. It’s frustrating because we can’t be with him all day, so we can’t make sure he’s kept disinfected and clean.
Yesterday my dad was a bit disoriented about the time and how many days have passed, and he’s a bit down, but he has a bit of his sense of humor back, so I’m happy.
I phoned him this morning to ask how he is, and I asked what he’s doing (he’s not allowed to move, may only lie down and turn over) and he said “I’ve just finished running the 400m sprint…” all sarcastic. – which is great.
This week so far I feel like I’m torn into a thousand pieces, I go and visit Dean because I miss him, but sleep over at my mom, and take her to and from Pretoria town to see my dad, who also waits in anticipation for our visit, so I leave the office a little bit earlier than preferred to get to him… and then he does not want us to leave before 8. He is starved for conversation.
He'll start learning how to do his own dialysis today I hope, which is one more step closer to being at home.
Love you Daddy-o.
Brain feels like candy...
Thursday, December 2, 2010
MY DADDY-O 30-11-2010
I am so pa-vas it’s scary, I have always been and I will be forever. My dad and I are very close, and I love my dad more than anything.. He’s my Hero, and no one can beat my dad in anything.
Anyway, bearing this in mind, my dad also never showed me weakness, pain or any other emotion or feeling that might make me feel insecure or nervous. If he was hurting he kept it to himself, so that us kids never had to feel insecure that our strong dad was hurting, and so it went on. In my view my dad was invincible.
He had a heart attack last year which in itself was a shock, because nothing could happen to my dad, and it came out that he was in kidney failure, and then he had another episode in May of this year and we were informed that he is in stage four of renal failure.. but they were very hopeful that we could delay dialysis for another three years if we try.
It has not been a year yet and he's now had surgery for Peritoneal Dialysis for the rest of his life.
He has gone from a hulk of a man, weighing over 110kg’s down to skin and bone, weighing only 79kg, and he’s almost 2m tall. He is wasting away, and he has a condition where his food does not digest in his stomach properly, so he is vomiting most of the time. Besides for that, his kidneys have failed, and now we are at the dreaded dialysis point.
He had the PD shunt put in, and the surgery went will but, last night I saw my dad on the verge of tears… he is scared, he is in so much pain that I can’t bear to even touch him.
I know that this will help him in the long run, and that he will feel better, but this disease is as deadly and terminal as any other, and I’m watching my dad, who fixed our cars, climbed on the roof to photograph lightening, pushed us around in the box cart he made for us, rode his bike with us to school… he is now sick, tired, thin and full of pipes.
My mom and dad are like love struck teenagers, and have been my whole life, they still write each other love letters, and have kept their love letter to each other over the past 40 years. They have been together since high school and don’t know life without each other, so when I see my mom bent over his bed, kissing him on his forehead and holding back the tears I want to collapse into a ball and cry my eyes out… she will be his nurse, his best friend and his partner. They are the perfect example of “through sickness and in health”. My mom does not sleep, and she tries to keep the family un-panicked and calm… it takes a lot out of her too.
Diabetes is not just a disease where a person may not eat sugar.. its a terminal illness, and the last years of a diabetic's life are painful and sickly.
My parents are my heroes. My mom is a super wonder woman, and my dad is still the Hulk…
Anyway, bearing this in mind, my dad also never showed me weakness, pain or any other emotion or feeling that might make me feel insecure or nervous. If he was hurting he kept it to himself, so that us kids never had to feel insecure that our strong dad was hurting, and so it went on. In my view my dad was invincible.
He had a heart attack last year which in itself was a shock, because nothing could happen to my dad, and it came out that he was in kidney failure, and then he had another episode in May of this year and we were informed that he is in stage four of renal failure.. but they were very hopeful that we could delay dialysis for another three years if we try.
It has not been a year yet and he's now had surgery for Peritoneal Dialysis for the rest of his life.
He has gone from a hulk of a man, weighing over 110kg’s down to skin and bone, weighing only 79kg, and he’s almost 2m tall. He is wasting away, and he has a condition where his food does not digest in his stomach properly, so he is vomiting most of the time. Besides for that, his kidneys have failed, and now we are at the dreaded dialysis point.
He had the PD shunt put in, and the surgery went will but, last night I saw my dad on the verge of tears… he is scared, he is in so much pain that I can’t bear to even touch him.
I know that this will help him in the long run, and that he will feel better, but this disease is as deadly and terminal as any other, and I’m watching my dad, who fixed our cars, climbed on the roof to photograph lightening, pushed us around in the box cart he made for us, rode his bike with us to school… he is now sick, tired, thin and full of pipes.
My mom and dad are like love struck teenagers, and have been my whole life, they still write each other love letters, and have kept their love letter to each other over the past 40 years. They have been together since high school and don’t know life without each other, so when I see my mom bent over his bed, kissing him on his forehead and holding back the tears I want to collapse into a ball and cry my eyes out… she will be his nurse, his best friend and his partner. They are the perfect example of “through sickness and in health”. My mom does not sleep, and she tries to keep the family un-panicked and calm… it takes a lot out of her too.
Diabetes is not just a disease where a person may not eat sugar.. its a terminal illness, and the last years of a diabetic's life are painful and sickly.
My parents are my heroes. My mom is a super wonder woman, and my dad is still the Hulk…
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